When Cynthia Fox lost her afghan hound, Willie Wonka, earlier this year, she was devastated. Wonka, a loving companion for almost 10 years, was like a child to her.

So Fox sat down at her computer and shared the story of everything that had happened during Wonka's last days in an e-mail to pet-loving friends. Reaching out to people who have the same love and respect for animals helped me get through. Sharing and talking helped 'clean the wound' and let me heal sooner.

For Dan Clarke, it's still difficult to talk about the loss of Max, a sweet-tempered yellow lab who had been a part of the family for 8 years. So he mailed a card containing a photo of himself and Max and a poem he had written to close friends and family members. "A lot of people thought I was crazy, but it was something I needed to do it for me.

Grieving as a process
Mental health experts strongly endorse expressing grief over the loss of a pet and reaching out to friends for support.

Because of our strong connection to our pets, it is natural for us to experience grief and sorrow upon their death. Grieving is a necessary and healthy process, says the experts, and grieving for a beloved pet is, in many ways, no different from grieving for a human companion.

Grief occurs on many levels -- physical, intellectual, emotional, social and spiritual. Although our responses to grief are individual, there are some common patterns that many people experience. They include denial, anger, guilt, depression and, ultimately, recovery. These stages can occur in different orders and take different amounts of time for each individual.

Common responses to grief
Throughout the process, the grieving person needs acknowledgement, validation and support. Says Fox, surrounding yourself with friends who have the same kind of bond with their animals is important. So is talking, sharing your stories. I think if you isolate yourself, it's harder to heal.

Unfortunately, sometimes friends and even family members fail to understand the depth of the emotional bond , or may be uncomfortable with it. Responses like "you still have other pets" or you can always get another dog minimize the griever's pain and encourage us to avoid communicating our feelings, or to submerge them altogether.

If you can't get the needed support from family and friends, there are other resources available. There are professional counselors trained in areas of grief and loss, as well as support groups, and a number of pet loss hotlines and websites.

Helping others cope
Loss of a pet can often be the first time a child encounters death in his or her family. Talking with children about the death of a loved one — human or animal — can be difficult. Often a good book can help get the conversation started. Good choices include The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, by Leo Buscaglia, and When a Pet Dies, by Fred Rogers. For other suggestions, see Cornell University School of Veterinary Medicine's Pet Loss website at http://web.vet.cornell.edu/public/petloss.

And, don't forget that other pets in the household will be affected by the los of a member of their pack. That's particularly true when the death means loss of the pack. Fox recalls that during the week after her dog Jeremy died some years ago, Wonka sat in the middle of the living room and howled. Be sure to give surviving pets plenty of your time and attention. If your surviving pet develops problem behaviors as a result of grief, consult your vet or a professional trainer for suggestions.

Should I get another pet?
Just as grief is a personal experience, the decision of when — and whether — to bring a new pet into the family is a personal one. Some people may feel that they will never want another pet; for others, a new pet might help them deal with the loss.

Experts on loss and grieving say that if you or a family member are having difficulty accepting the loss of your pet, it's probably better to wait until everyone is ready.

Clarke himself was ready to bring a new pet into the household right away. But his children wanted to wait. It took almost a year before the entire family was ready to talk about a new dog.

"Max will always have a special place in our hearts. But we're already growing to love our new puppy, Charlie," explains Clarke. "You can never replace the pet you lost; however, you can share your life with another one."